Monday, December 12, 2016

12/12/16-Skippy Dee-Doo-Day

back door morning delivery of
Huevos Rancheros

That first picture is how my morning ended as it rolled in to a pleasant afternoon, but it is certainly not how it began.

I woke up skipping this morning. Skipping = struggling cognitively (stupid brain injury). At least I knew where I was when I woke up today – which, as I shared in my last blog post, was not the case Saturday morning. This morning I slept in until 9A – at least 3 hours beyond my norm, and I was tired and sluggish. I tried to make coffee and put equal in the filter. I stared at that for a few minutes and decided to leave it in there. I then added the coffee but when I poured the water into the filter it ran over – all over my counter and on to the floor. What the heck?

So I cleaned that up and then stared at the filter for a few more minutes trying to figure out what went wrong. I decided it must be the equal clogging up the filter, right? So I tried again with coffee in the filter sans the equal. By now it had taken me 45 minutes to try and make a cup of coffee. I was sure hoping it was the equal that had been the problem and I’d have my first sip of caffeine goodness soon. But, nope. It wasn't that. Again, coffee spilled all over the counter and on to the floor.

cof fee ever y wheeeere!

Turns out I had left the lid on my cup. I’m not even going to share with you how long it took me to figure that out. Stupid brain injury. I’m trying to make friends with it, really I am, but some days it’s easier than others. But all is not lost. I got a knock at my back door as my neighbor delivered those huevos rancheros pictured above. OMGosh, they were so good! Thank you Robert!

It took me until noon to get everything cleaned up, get the dogs fed, and get settled to where I felt like my day could begin. And it’s a beautiful day here in Arizona – a sunny 72 for a high and in the mid-50s at night. Life sure is good.

TBI HS SYMPTOMS

It’s probably pretty clear that I’m symptomatic today and need to stay close to home, but here’s the real caution for me right now – every time I have a seizure, like the one I had the day before Thanksgiving (gratitude blog post here), it takes me longer to recover and I recover less – not quite ever getting back to where I cognitively was before the seizure. That’s scary, and I refuse to give up, claiming instead that it is reparable. Which leads me to the rest of the story.

THE REST OF THE STORY

In my video embedded in the gratitude blog post listed above, I state that I am cutting back, getting back to what heals me – and for me, that is nature and solitude. It’s also writing. I think my soul is playing a twisted role of Oliver Twist and saying, “More of that please.”

So I resigned this morning from my role in a friend’s life, and that left me saddened yet hopeful. My world keeps getting smaller and smaller yet I believe it is the only way for me to heal and prolong life – more importantly – to expand the quality of my life.

And it’s not just about me. A good friend that I called this morning helped me remember something I always tell others, “Even in airplanes they remind you to put your own mask on first.” If I am to be of service, if I am to be love and expand love during my days on this earth, I need to be centered and whole.

And so my world keeps getting smaller.

Smaller to achieve expansion... hmmm... Is it a conundrum or a dichotomy? I don’t know. It just is what it is. I encourage you to give up anything that is not in the flow and serving your Higher purpose. Trust. Believe me, I know it is not easy. It's scary as shit - especially when you live in a van in the middle of the desert. And, it is the only way. Listen to that still small voice. It is never wrong. In that, all is well, always.



See you down the road my wonderful readers.

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