KOKO - No Matter What

There was comfort in knowing Jack would be there soon. Unsure of why she called him instead of one of her lifelong friends, she shook her head. She couldn’t sort it out yet and wiped away a tear. She had to admit it to herself—Jack made her feel desired. It was a feeling she didn’t know was still possible. So much so that for a brief moment, before she left Texas, she had thought about staying with him at his marina. But the open road had called to her, and she answered. More tears were falling now. If she had stayed with Jack, maybe none of this would have happened. 

Her head was in such a fog. Would it take him one or two days to get from the Amistad National Recreation Area in Texas to Ehrenberg, Arizona? She shook her head again and tried to remember what he said but wasn’t able to process such details. Even her body felt numb. 

She looked at her dogs. Actually, she blinked and tried to focus on her dogs. Everything seemed to be such a blur. Her dogs looked tiny and far away. She shook her head yet again, but it didn’t help. As if on cue and with deep understanding, both Nonni and Bentley came over and each in their own way cuddled up with her. She sat there for a long while holding onto her dogs trying to digest what happened.  

She had just begun getting her life back on solid ground when her beloved RV, Fiona, burned to the ground. Now these sweet people that she’d just met gave her a place to stay and did their best to comfort her and her furbabies. Hope took a moment and looked around the tent that became her home since the fire. She realized it wasn’t just any tent. It was a very nice yurt. They put furniture in there for her too—a table, and even a small fridge. She saw the cord running from behind it under the canvas of the yurt and realized it must be running to someone’s power source. The blankets that she had wrapped all around her were made of fine wool. She shook her head yet again. Maybe hers was just a life of starting over all the time, but at least she had good people around her to help. Yet again. 

She took a deep breath and tried to remember how many days it had been since Fiona burned. She really didn’t have a clue. Then she wondered who had been taking care of her dogs. Who was walking them? Feeding them? She hugged them close and cried. Then she took another deep breath and stood up. 

It was time to get on with things no matter what that was going to look like. She was grateful Jack was coming and she was grateful to Bob, Kyndal, Jamie and all the other nomads she met. Bob had asked her to come join them as soon as she was ready. She figured it was time. 

She put the leashes on her dogs and opened the yurt door. When she stepped outside, at first no one was around. People were milling around camp and doing their own thing. For that she was actually glad. It gave her a moment to think. 

Recovering from being wrongfully imprisoned and having lost everything was one thing. To have recovered and be on the mend from all of that and then lose everything again felt like more than she could bear.  

Kyndal walked up and put her arm through Hope’s. “Good to see you out getting some fresh air.” 

Hope looked at her dear new friend and tried to smile but couldn’t quite pull it off. She stood there blinking instead but was finally able to say, “Thank you, Kyndal. Thank you.” 

That’s all she could manage. Much to her regret, the tears started flowing again. The two women stood there for a moment and hugged.  

Kyndal reached down to pet the pups. “Hello Nonni and Bentley. How are you today?” They both wagged their tails. Hope saw Kyndal’s husband walking toward them with two bowls of food. 

“Are you the one who’s been taking care of my dogs, Jamie?” 

“Actually it’s been quite a few of us taking turns.” Half-joking, he continued, “The whole camp fights over who gets to walk them.” 

Hope felt confused, humbled and grateful. She tried to recall people feeding her dogs and taking them for walks, but couldn’t remember much after she had passed out while watching Fiona burn. 

Jamie sat the bowls down and Nonni and Bentley began to eat. Bob Wells walked up. “How are you doing?” His tone was sincere and comforting. 

Hope looked at him and said, “I honestly don’t know.” 

He said, “Well, follow me. I may have something that will help.” He turned and walked off with the assumption she would do just as she was asked, so she did. 

They went past a few campsites, turned and went past a few more. Then Bob stopped and asked, “What do you think of this van?” 

Hope was not in the mood to compliment someone’s rig and she thought he was being very insensitive to the fact that hers just burned. She lost everything and he was asking her to look at someone’s rig? She looked at him with a deep frown.  

He said, “It’s yours if you want it.” 

Hope’s knees felt weak, and she thought she would fall to the ground. Kyndal tightened her hold on Hope’s arm and explained, “Bob was actually going to give this van away anyway.” 

Bob laughed and said, “Well, I guess I kind of still am.” 

Kyndal smiled and said, "Yes, I guess you are.” 

She turned to face Hope. “He was going to do some sort of raffle or contest or drawing, but the person that donated the van insisted it go directly to you.” 

Hope looked at Bob. All that Hope could manage was a one word question, “Why?” 

It was his turn to look at her with a deep frown and raised brows. “You’re kidding me, right? You do remember that your rig burned?” 

Kyndal snapped, “Bob!” 

“I’m not trying to be mean, but I’m really wondering if maybe she isn’t remembering.” 

Hope spoke up, “No, I…” she stumbled on her words, “I remember. I just don’t know why anyone would do such a thing.” 

“That’s what we do out here, Hope. We take care of each other. I can’t think of anyone else I would rather give this van to. We all feel that way.” He pulled the keys out of his pocket and held them out for her. “Would you like to see inside?” 

Hope looked back at her dogs that were still eating, and Jamie had their leashes. “Yes, I want to see inside, but can I wait on my dogs? I want the three of us to see it together.” 

Then she hesitated again and looked at Bob. “Are you sure I shouldn’t enter your contest to win this just like anyone else?” She thought of the money Tom gave her and added, “I can even make a down payment for it. This does not have to be a gift.” 

“There have been a lot of things in my life I doubted, but gifting you this van isn’t one of them, Hope. I’m more than sure. Besides, it’s not up to me. The previous owner wants to remain anonymous, but the van is 100% yours, free of charge.” 

When Jamie brought the dogs over, Hope took the keys and was going to open the driver door. Bob said, “Why don’t you open the side doors? That will give you a better view.” 

She smiled and brought the dogs around the side of the van and did just that. When she opened the doors, she started crying, “It’s so pretty.” 

Bob laughed, “Well, I wasn’t going to give away junk.” 

Kyndal gently hit him on the arm and Bob said, “Jamie and I made a few modifications to it for living off grid.”  

“It needs a little bit of decor and feminine touch,” Kyndal said. 

Hope turned to Bob and then looked at Jamie, “No, actually, it’s perfect. I love all the wood. May I climb inside?” 

Bob laughed, “Hope, you’re asking us if you can go inside your own van. Yes, of course you may.” 

She stepped inside. There was a bed across the back and it looked as big as the one she had in Fiona. She was guessing it was a full size bed. On the passenger side wall, next to the bed was a sink with a small countertop and a cabinet underneath. On the driver side wall was a whole row of beautiful wooden cabinets, complete with two doors. She looked at the bed again and there was storage underneath it as well. The bed had pink sheets on it. 

Kyndal called out, “Unlock the back doors and I’ll come around.” 

Hope reached across the bed and did just that. As Hope sat on the bed, Kyndal opened the back barn doors and said, “I doubt that pink is your color, but that’s all the thrift store had.” 

A woman with a bright smile walked up and said, “Actually, it’s kind of a dusty rose, not pink.” 

Kyndal matched the bright smile and asked, “Hope have you met Joan? She is an artist and obviously quite a stickler when it comes to color.” 

Both women laughed and for the first time in a long time Hope felt a slight smile form on her face. She answered, “It’s nice to meet you, Joan. And it doesn’t matter what color they are. I love them. I don’t think I will ever get rid of them because they will always remind me of this moment.” 

She was so tired of crying but the tears flowed again. She looked at both of the women and asked, “Is this really happening?” 

They both reached across the bed and held her hands. Joan answered, “Yes, sweetheart. It is really happening. This is your van.” 

Hope asked, “Are you the person who donated it?” 

Joan answered, “Nope, Bob is the only person that knows who the donor is.” 

Hope didn’t even know what make or model it was, what year, or how many miles it had on it. She didn’t care. It meant starting over, again, but she wasn’t homeless. Plus, she just made a bunch of new friends. It was hard to accept the handout and such an extravagant gift, but she had no choice. She closed her eyes and made a silent vow to pay it all back somehow. She was determined. For Hope, the thought of one day giving back what she was so freely being given made receiving this generosity possible. 

She didn’t know if anyone else knew her story, but Bob shared that he knew. He didn’t care that she had gone to prison, but she still worried that people would find out. Then what would they think of the van being gifted to her, of all people? It was her experience that most people didn’t care that the verdict had been overturned because she was wrongfully convicted. The loss of family and friends had proven to her that people weren’t interested in the truth. They judged her based on lies and people left her because they believed the lies. 

She looked out across camp and shook her head, almost in disbelief. This new tribe didn’t seem to care about any of that. She had so many kind people in her life she was starting to care less and less who knew.  

She looked at Kyndal and Joan again. Then she looked at her dogs that were sitting on the floor and smiled, “What do you think babies? Do you like our new home?”  

She patted the bed and Nonni jumped on it immediately. She picked Bentley up and put him on the bed too, “I don’t think my little squatty body baby can quite make that jump.” 

For a moment Kyndal looked concerned, so Hope quickly added, “Don’t worry. He doesn’t sleep on the bed anyway. He is not a snuggle bug. You would think he is since he’s the smaller one, but it’s actually Nonni that sleeps with me. She’s all about the cuddles and blankets.” Hope rolled her eyes and added, “Bentley prefers to sleep in the passenger seat.” 

The thought of Bentley as co-pilot in the passenger seat made Hope remember her beloved Fiona again and she couldn’t help but tear up. Then she thought of Tom. He bought the bed that Bentley was always on in the passenger seat. He had even given Bentley a small lap quilt to cover the bed. It was one of the last ones his wife made. All of it was gone now and she had made a promise to Tom she would take good care of Fiona. Hope’s heart was heavy and she hung her head. 

She wiped her tears and looked again at the passenger and driver’s seat. The passenger seat was turned around, but she noticed that the driver’s seat was not. She figured that’s how it probably was in a van—only the one seat could turn around. She took a deep breath. This rig wasn’t Fiona, but she could live with that. She had a home. Her furbabies had a home. And they were safe. 

Without taking her eyes off the seats, she said out loud to Kyndal and Joan, “It’s a lot to take in.” 

Kyndal said, “When you’re ready, we’ll go shopping for the rest of the things you need. The community has pitched in a little.” 

Alarmed, Hope’s head quickly spun around, “No, you guys have done enough. I don’t need anything else.” 

Joan laughed, “Well, you might not, but I bet Bentley would like a bed on that seat and you need dog bowls.” 

Trying to keep the humor going, Kyndal added with a smile, “And please don’t be offended, but I kind of want my blankets back so we need to get you some of those too.” 

They were being so loving and had such huge smiles on their faces. Hope was determined to match their spirits and not let them down. She returned the smile, “I have a friend that may be here tomorrow. I need to wait and see when he thinks he might arrive.” 

About that time, Kat walked up, “Just how many friends do you need for this shindig anyway?” 

“Kat!” Hope exclaimed. 

Hope immediately crawled across the bed and jumped out of the van to give her friend a big hug. “What are you doing here?” 

“Friends of mine are camped with this group and I heard about Fiona. I’m sorry, Hope.” 

Tears welled up, but Hope wasn’t going to cry anymore. She chose to focus on the outpouring of love from the community and the joy she was feeling from seeing Kat. They had talked on the phone often since meeting at the Dude Ranch in Texas earlier that year, but this was the first time they had seen each other again. 

Kat asked, “How about I take you to town this afternoon and we get some of those things you guys were just talking about?” 

Hope caught the exchange of glances between Kyndal and Joan, and figured they must be wondering how she and Kat knew each other. Hope started to explain, and Kyndal said, “Kat told us when she got here.” 

Hope looked at Kat and asked, “When did you get here?” 

Kat answered, “The day before yesterday.” 

Then Hope looked at the three women and asked, “How long have I been in the tent?” 

Kyndal held up four fingers and Joan said, “Four days, three nights.” 

Hope’s mouth flew open in dismay. To her, it felt like it was only yesterday that she saw her life go up in flames. She had no idea she had been out of it for so long. 

She was still in shock when her tummy grumbled loudly. It gave her the perfect opportunity to lift the mood. Hope said, “Four days. No wonder I’m hungry.”  

They all laughed, sort of. Kat draped an arm around Hope and kept it there. Hope welcomed the support and laid her head on her friend’s shoulder. 

Bob spoke up and until then Hope forgot that he was standing beside the van. He had been watching to see how she was handling it all. He liked her. He liked her tenacity and he liked how she genuinely cared for others.  

“We’re having a potluck again tonight. You two will want to be back in time for that. It’s Mexican food night.” 

Hope said, “I will bring something this time.” 

Kyndal emphatically said, “Nope. You’re still considered a newbie in camp. Maybe next time.” 

Kat said, “I’ll go get my rig. There’s plenty of room for Nonni and Bentley to go with us.” 

Joan was already walking away but Hope gave Bob and Kyndal a hug, “I will see you guys this evening. I still can’t believe this.” 

She looked at Bob and their eyes held for a moment, “I will never forget this.” 

Bob said, “I’m counting on that, Hope. All we ask is that you pay it forward.” 

“I will. Every chance I get, I definitely will. I’ve already made that vow to myself. I’m counting on you to please also pass my gratitude on to whoever donated this beautiful van. Without their generosity, I’m not sure I could go on.” 

Hope looked at the ground and shuffled her feet. “Actually, without it—all of you—I know this would have been too much to recover from. I’m forever grateful.” 

Joan returned and presented Hope with a painted rock in the form of a heart. “I made you something for your van.” 

Hope’s mouth flew open as she exclaimed, “Wow! Joan! It’s beautiful!” 

Kyndal whistled and said, “Another beauty, Joan.” She explained to Hope, “We call her Rock Joan. She does the most beautiful mandala and dot paintings on rocks of all sizes.” 

“Well,” Joan added, “This one isn’t actually a rock. I make some out of molds too.” 

Hope laughed, “I wondered. It’s so perfectly shaped, but it looks like a rock.” 

“It’s lighter than a rock which is good for those of us who travel. I painted this heart over the last couple of days. I want you to remember that you are loved.” 

Hope looked at the painted rock heart again. “It really is one of the most beautiful pieces of art I’ve ever seen. It’s perfect.” She gently laid it in the middle of the bed. 

Kat pulled up. Hope put Nonni and Bentley in the back and climbed in. “That was thoughtful of you to put blankets down for them.” 

“Sure thing.” Kat looked in the rearview mirror. Both dogs were settling in nicely. 

Hope waved bye to her friends as they pulled off. Spontaneously, without thinking, she called out, “I love you guys!

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